A communication approach that many couples engage in when experiencing a conflict is what I like to call “Lawyers in a Courtroom.”  One person presents his/her case, complete with a list of the partner’s transgressions to prove that she is right and her partner is wrong.  The partner, in turn, compiles his list of rebuttals and responds with a ledger of her wrongdoings.  This type of exchange frequently features verbal repetition and an escalation of volume.  By the end, both parties feel hurt and angry and even more entrenched in original viewpoints.